Visions Anew Institute

Visions Anew Institute
Divorce is Challenging

Monday, November 14, 2011

My Friend's Divorce

Today marks the first of Spring, and my friend's new shoes have played a part in its sweet coming. It is a season of new beginnings, not just for nature's bounty, but for my good friend, too. She has weathered a long and arduous winter. A winter of the heart, if you will. Her marriage came to an abrupt end last February when her husband told her he needed a new place in his life, other than the one he had occupied beside her for so long.

It was a gut-wrenching situation.I watched as the couple walked up from their dock on the lake that chilly February day in 2005. He had told her that he needed to leave. As they made their way along the path to their house, I studied them both. I did not know what had transpired, but I knew it was not good. They moved with an air of despair. My friend had a blanket wrapped around her shoulders. She held her head down. As I would learn later, her heart had just been broken.

So, I stood by my friend. We spent hours talking on my back porch. Maybe the marriage could be repaired? Maybe if he had more time to think about things, he would reconsider? But no, reconsideration and repair were not options. He was determined to travel a new road.
As the weeks unfolded, I saw my friend take a journey, too. She traveled to a dark place where one struggles alone with the issues of the human heart. How did this happen? What signals did I not not see? What did I not hear?

I did not have any answers for my friend. I only saw the sorrow and the anger and the questions and the fear of the unknown and of being alone shaking her heretofore sure and firm foundation. So, I said, "Enough. Let him go and let your healing begin."
And that's what she did.

Some weeks later, we sat in her bedroom. My friend had been taking a nap in the bed that was now too full of unfilled space. The folding doors to the bedroom closet where he kept his clothes were open; the closet, empty. I studied the wire hangers. Just like my friend's heart, they were askew, left holding nothing.

Months then passed. Legal papers were signed. Property was divided. Photographs were put away. Holidays were endured.

And then, just the other day, the most amazing thing happened. With all its hope and promise, Spring was showing itself - a touch of green was appearing here and there.

With the purchase of a new pair of shoes, a healing season for my friend's heart was emerging, too. She modeled the soft, suede mules with the lavender hue and the pointy toes and the perky heels.
"He wouldn't have liked them," she said. No, he wouldn't have. They were too trendy.
My friend took off one shoe, and then other.

"But you know what?" she said, tossing them in the closet that once stood so empty. "I like them."

Welcome, my friend, to your own sweet Spring.